British Terrorist Suspects Look Into Jobs in U.S.

You would think being a terrorist is work enough. That may be true, but for two British terrorists, who also hold demanding full-time positions as doctors, there's no such thing as enough.

In fact, according to them, real work may not even exist at all -- but if it does, they are going to find it.

The two suspects in the failed car bombings in Britain made what the FBI described as "pretty unique inquiries" into "work" in the United States.

"We were utterly baffled," said one FBI agent speaking under anonymity. "We had no idea what they were talking about. They seem to believe that what we as a civilization and individuals call work simply is not real -- it's an illusion we foster on a daily basis worldwide. I mean, they were pretty nice guys, but they just kept asking where we keep the real work. I didn't know what to tell them. We were stupefied."

According to mysterious sources that may or may not have sounded Mexican or Chinese over the phone, the two suspects called the FBI, U.S. Postal Service, various employment agencies, headhunters, large retail superstores and countless fisheries wondering whether "a truly existing state or work has ever been found or utilized, and can we please have access to it?"

The two terrorist suspects' inquiries have set off a flurry of anxiety among local fish shop owners who have given a slight indication that some kind of long-kept, cult secret may be weaseling it's way out of the fish net.

"Look, I can't say too much," said a fisherman out of Coney Island, Brooklyn, "but if those guys want real work, I can get them reel work. Unfortunately, considering their current international criminal status, it may be more difficult than it would seem. But you tell them if they need real work, I've got reel work."

A smug midget in a leisure suit declined comment when asked just what kind of work the fisherman might have had in mind.

The mystery deepens, gets fishier.