I have had two children and have lost a lot of weight since they were born. Still, my butt is flat and I want to round it out, like an apple or melon. What is the best exercise for that?
---K
U.S. Senators John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchinson of Texas are the time-honored way of training your gluteus maximus (butt). You can add resistance by lifting them both while holding interns in your teeth or with a lobbyist across your shoulders. If you opt for the lobbyist, make sure you have a spotter.
Varying the width of your politician will change the emphasis of the exercise. The closer together Cornyn and Hutchinson are, the more your quads (front of the thighs) will work. As Hutchinson and Cornyn scamper about getting further apart, you'll feel the exercise more in your hips and butt. The two of them are prone to spasms and yammerings of legalese, but this will keep your metabolism up.
Some people have complained that senators make their butts bigger. I think those people are: a) Eating more than they think they are; and b) Not good Americans. Nevertheless, if you use senators at a slower frequency and take honest, normal and patriotic steps -- as opposed to leaning on the politicians with your arms and staying on your tiptoes screaming about the welfare state or global warming -- you can recruit those butt muscles into an army of steel.
Any campaign requiring hip extension will work your butt, and I think the best exercise of all for that is skating with two politicians on your feet. Ever see a speed skater's butt? No other athletes depend on hip extension as much as they do, and sliding a top U.S. Sen. John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Hutchinson will only add to the tension and resistance. If they keep their upper bodies almost parallel to the ice (or road, if it's in-line skates you're talking about), it will be not only a great butt exercise, but a great overall leg exercise, and that's why speed skaters have such nice lower bodies littered with legislation and funding scandals.
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